I felt so much great after talking with two sunims here.

 

Love means also a conflict there

Junehan sunim told me a love also has to have a fight in there. but only intention actually resolves the bitterness. His talk highlighted that loving relationships involve conflict; he cited his own often-turbulent relationship with Bopyo sunim to illustrate this point. That was interesting view. I never thought giving toughness or thorn can include as a part of love too. Maybe that is because of my history, that I'd suffered with a lot of pain, so I don't want to give this experience for anyone of my people.

I know true love also trying to care each other and being helpful for each other. It doesn't have to require too much things for something. but also I understand love also can have the conflict. Love, as a dualism, also It can have the thorn. maybe a turbulent, or conflict within love can be a way of it. If they didn't love each other, it won't meet each other. A clap can happen when two palms meet. What is love, what is understanding and what is conflict? Maybe love is just understanding each other. Yes. I know, whenever a misunderstanding happens, it seems the love can just resolve or lead into excellent result, and then the past can be great as well.

Also he mentioned, It is my one of strength but also weakness, I do care others too much. yes I do. I do care others' sufferings and pains I wish that would be never happened at all, as that was my pain point in my life. Compassion, I do believe that is the way for caring others. but he said, conflict and pain are inevitable for love.(Of course it doesn't mean that a love is always mandatorily including destructive way of speaking or disrespect.)

 

Stability does matter for partnership

and also he mentioned about stable partner. the feeling when we're stable in, a partner can sense it. so people want to have the stable partner. if not, the concerns from each other's heart amplify, so that makes hurt or difficult each other. It seems my case was like that.

but yes I felt very tough...

I learned from Bopyo sunim about 무명, a condition of being trapped in the dark. It needs to scope out from current situation, and that was pretty appreciating her mention on me, 'You look tired than before'.

I was so happy to get understood.

But yes, He mentioned me He'd rather be happy from my choice not for here, or not for himself, but myself. My consideration that involvement with this temple, actually because of his wanting worked for that. For now, he mentioned he just wishes my happiness.

So just I need to choose what would be great. Not for right now but until the JustBe Temple's The Zen conference End. Yes, then after that I can just came over here for tea-tending temporarily. and then maybe that would be much better to stay in Paju. Let's see how it would go.